Monday, August 2, 2010

missing my daughter

Being in the hospital has always brought me down and made me depressed. Now i know everyone in this same postition gets like that but what also doesnt help is my beautiful little girl is sitting at home waiting for mommy to come home any day now and that day seems to never come. My daughter is my world, my reason to breathe and my reason to fight. I never thought i could love someone as much as i did so quickly when she first came along. Being so sick i miss out on so much. when she was first born i didnt get that mother daughter boniding time..i have missed out on so much of her life because of CF. Ive missed milestones and her learning new things. I even missed her baptisim and her 2nd birthday. Ive missed many holidays. it breaks my heart everytime i have to come in here..watching her walk away after dropping me off. yes i do get to talk to her on the phone when i am in here and we do get to web cam but its just not the same. everyone always asks why i dont have her come visit while i am stuck in here if i miss her so much. and really as much as it hurts its quite simple why she doesnt come. The hospital is full of germs and its really not good for us to even be in here and with her being so young and not having a full and great immune system yet its better off she dont come so that way she doesnt catch anything or end up sick cause i would not be able to handle knowing she got sick when she came to see me. so yes i do miss her and wish she could spend every minute of every day with me while i am in here but it just isnt logical. I miss you Nevaeh, mommy will be home soon.

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